PENANTIAN SUATU PENYEKSAAN..!!!!

I'm kind of tired of Waiting ..GOD, help me as i'm growing discouraged...

When i feel as if i wait and watch and nothing happens— nothing changes—i grow discouraged. I may feel like the prophet who cried out, How long must I call for help, before You listen? Help me not to give up, to keep watching for Your answers, to be willing to keep on praying.

Help me be determined to rejoice in You no matter what's happening in my life, to be joyful in You, my Savior, no matter how hard things are or how tired i am. Be my strength!

Help me not to lose my confidence in You and Your faithfulness, to know i will see how good You are. Help me turn to You as the One who sustains me.

Help me put my hope in Your Word and all it tells me about You. Help me trust in the wonder of Your great love. Amin

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS MUM AND DAD!

ALSO FOR MY DEAR beloved JECK in Ireland ..also beloved JESS,WILLY, TATI, MEQA, BELLA, EDRY, JANU, CYRIL, NIEL, CONIE...also MY GRANNY NINA...AUNTIES..ANITA, YANIS, STEVEN...and alllllllllll....
AND FRIENDS....

AND FANS ALL OVER THE WORLD...

LOVE YOU ALL.....

Mualaf Murtad kerana..(PART 3)

Since there are already few web frens keep nudging me for the continuity of this column..(the Mualaf Murtad kerana -Part 1 & Part 2 that i posted in Oct and Nov column)..so im making a next column here for this sharing.

The huge slap of REJECTION...Being rejected!..hmmmm the impact of the rejection will gonna be totally different based on WHO REJECTING WHO?

Lets put it this way...u walked away from the old life of Side A and start a new journey for a 'new' life in Side B.

If u r kind of rejected by the those people in side A that u left behind, it is kind of NORMAL! They r of course dissapointed with u ..so that is the fact that u got to face..so just face it no matter what. and 1 good thing of them in Side A is that: they reject u BUT they will still keep holding u tight..keep pulling u back to Side A! What a spirit huh!

In Side B..Born-Muslims are so great..some are wonderful people. Somehow rather its kind weird when instead of giving a guidance welcom 4 u, some sapiens in Side B tend to directly or indirectly reject you ... (direct rejection is easier to handle!).. ouch! that rejection without words..(killing me softly).. only senses can tell...

Without us realising actually in most of real life cases, lots of Mualaf become murtad NOT BECAUSE of those Non-Muslim's influence..BUT BECAUSE of the rejection from our (not all)born-Muslim fellows. So dont totally blame the new comers....

With question " This way suppose to be the best of all..but looking at them,is it so?" So the new comers rather dingling with "Reverted Belief" then...

To Be Continued....

LOVE is "KILLING"....

its 3am..and it so silent (I do love peacefullness but i kind of hate silence sometimes)...Sitting here alone listening to some songs online (layan blues wak! jangan marah!) makes me think of their truthfullness candors...

Should this classified as "MURDERED" or "COMMIT SUICIDE" ??..cepat jawab CSI, jawab!!

Aku bersedih kerna panah cinta menusuk jantung ku..(Matahariku-si Agnes) adus!

Ku mencintai mu..lebih dari apapun..meskipun tiada satu orang pun yg tahu,Ku mencintai mu..sedalam-dalam hati ku..meskipun engkau hanya kekasih gelapku..((Kekasih 'Gelap' ku - Ungu)..hmmm i like this 1..hehehe

Aku di bius cinta..(si Melly)..??haa yg ni baik tanya pakar bius jer..leave it to the expert!

Mencintaimu tak mengenal waktu..tak mengenal puitis..hanya tulusnya hati,Mencintaimu tak mengenal ragu..keyakinan hatiku..hanya untuk dirimu...( Ketulusan hati- si Anuar)...yg ni mcm tak caya jer lah pulak

Anyway..whatever! Layaaann ..esok2 gi Redbox boleh i nyanyi lagu2 ni pulak,takde lah asyik pulun lagu XPDC dan GUN n ROSES jer..wakakaka

SEJUUUKKKKKKK nye...but still, wintriness is HEAVEN!!!

wahai kabus tebal..lav ya ..miss ya

Merempit ke Genting Highland...silap haribulan kena kejar ngan kuda putih bagi surat saman....KANTOI! KANTOI!

BERINAI...

Khasiat daun inai..
Inai atau nama saintifiknya Lawsonia Inermis adalah sejenis pokok yang khasiat dan nilai perubatan yang tinggi terutamanya bahagian daunnya. Pokok inai yang mempunyai banyak ranting ini mendapat namanya daripada perkataan Arab ‘Hina’ yang bermaksud ubat.

Ahli sejarah mendakwa bahawa orang orang Mongol telah membawa inai ke India pada kurun ke-12 sementara pihak lain mendakwa inai berasal dari India. Ahli arkeologi pula mengatakan mereka menemui bukti bahawa inai telah digunakan oleh orang Mesir dalam proses menghasilkan mumia apabila mereka mendapati kuku jari dan kaki mumia yang mereka temui disapu dengan sejenis pewarna merah yang dipercayai adalah inai.

Daun inai mengandungi bahan pewarna glukosid dan asid henotanik. Asid henotanik pada daun inai menyebabkan kulit yang disapu inai akan berwarna merah. Ini disebabkan pewarna yang sememangnya terdapat dalam asid henotanik akan bergabung dengan kolagen pada sel kulit dan keratin pada kuku dan rambut. Minyak daripada biji inai mengandungi behenik, arasidik, sterik, palmitik, asid oleik dan linoleik.

Salah satu kegunaan utama inai adalah sebagai agen penyejuk.Inai boleh digunakan untuk menyembuhkan luka dan kudis di sekeliling kuku. Caranya ialah dengan membersihkan daun terlebih dahulu, kemudian baru tumbuk daun tersebut sehingga hancur. Selepas itu sapukan ramuan daun tersebut pada tempat yang sakit. Selain itu inai juga boleh digunakan untuk menyembuhkan sakit perut. Caranya adalah dengan meminum air rebusan campuran daun inai segar dan inai kering yang dicincang.

Daun inai yang telah dijadikan serbuk pula dikatakan mampu untuk menyembuhkan luka luka semasa berkhatan, bisul, penyakit penyakit kulit dan sengal sengal tulang. Daun inai juga dikatakan boleh merawat kebotakan. Caranya ialah dengan merebus minyak biji sawi bersama daun inai. Kemudian sapukan ramuan ini di kepala.

Penyakit penyakit wanita seperti haid yang berlebihan dan keputihan dikatakan mampu dirawat dengan menggunakan daun inai. Jus yang terhasil daripada daun inai segar juga dikatakan boleh diminum kerana ia dikatakan mampu merawat Spermatorrhoea atau ejakulasi yang tidak dikawal.

Bagi kulit pokok inai, ia dikatakan mampu merawat penyakit hati seperti jaundis dan hati yang membengkak. Kulit pokok ini juga dikatakan mampu untuk merawat penyakit cirit birit. Bunga pokok inai pula dipercayai boleh merawat masalah sakit kepala yang disebabkan cuaca panas. Caranya ialah adalah dengan meletakkan bunga inai yang telah dicampurkan dengan cuka pada sekeliling kepada. Sementara itu, akar akar dan palpa digunakan untuk merawat bisul.

Di samping penggunaan untuk tujuan perubatan, daun inai juga seperti yang kita ketahui digunakan untuk mewarnakan tapak tangan, kuku dan kaki. Bila dicampurkan dengan pewarna asli yang lain, pewarna inai juga boleh digunakan untuk mewarnakan rambut dan bahan tekstil.

Majlis Naik BUAI

Tanggal 13 December 2008 Sabtu, Majlis Naik Buai ntuk Najihah Firzana dan Kasma Farisha diadakan pada hari yang sama menyambut kenduri Khatan untuk Irfan Eisfahan dan Muhd Farhan..dorang semua ni sepupu sepapa iaitu cucu kepada Puan Fatimah bt Saji ( Kak Dah)..di KG PAYA LINTAH,PDG RENGAS , KUALA KANGSAR PERAK.

Naik Buaian merupakan satu daripada istiadat yang masih diamalkan di
kalangan masyarakat Melayu di negeri Perak khususnya di daerah Perak
Tengah, Kuala Kangsar dan Hilir Perak. Istiadat ini khusus diadakan untuk
anak yang baru dilahirkan. Pada kebiasaannya ia diadakan semasa bayi
berusia 44 hari atau sebaik habis pantang.
Buaian atau di dalam loghat Perak di sebut 'boyan' dimaksudkan sebagai satu
peralatan yang diperbuat dan beberapa helai kain yang digantung bagi
membolehkan ia dibuai atau diayun untuk menidurkan bayi.
Selalunya istiadat naik buaian ini didahului dengan upacara mencukur rambut
bayi berserta perlakuan yang berkaitan dengannya. Istiadat naik buaian ini
disertai dengan marhaban dan dimeriahkan dengan pukulan rebana Perak
serta istimewanya dendangan 'Syair Siti Fatimah'.

SYAIR SITI FATIMAH

Asalnya Nabi Nor yang mulia
Dijadikan Allah tuhan yang kaya
Dahulu daripada alam dunia
Arash Kursi belum ada.
Langit dan bumi terang dan kelam
Jin manusia kafir dan lslam
Asalnya ia di Darussalam
Diturunkan tuhan di dunia alam.
Empat bulan sampailah tuan
Sudah menjadi kaki dan tangan
Cukuplah dengan sifat sekalian
Nyawanya belum lagi didatangkan
Setelah saat datang waktu
Datanglah nyawa lalu bersatu
Dalam tubuh tempatnya itu
Hawa dan nafsu sudah berlaku.
Dikandungkan ibumu sembilan bulan
Nasi dan air tidak tertelan
Melahirkan engkau berapa kesakitan
Terkadang bercerai nyawa dan badan
Apabila sudah cukupnya hari
Sakitlah ibumu tidak terperi
Bapamu turun berlari-lari
Mengambil bidan bawa ke mari.
5
Bidan pun datang tidaklah terlewat
Serta membawa kelengkapan ubat
Dilihatnya penuh saudara sahabat
Bidan pun naik semakin rapat
Sakitnya perut bagai nak pecah
Bukannya kurang makin bertambah
Dipanggil bapamu disuruh langkah
Minta ampun barang yang salah
Tatkala engkau jatuh ke lantai
Dengan segera bidan mencapai
Sudah dimandi lalu dipakai
Tinggallah ibumu lemah gemalai
Sudah dipakai lalu di Qamat
Meminta doa supaya selamat
Ingatlah pesan Nabi Muhammad
Disuruh mengerjakan amal yang taat.
Ayuhai anakku janganlah bantah
Ibumu memelihara terlalu susah
Dialih ke kiri ke kanan pun basah
Habis dilumur kencing dan muntah
Dilabuhkan tabir ribut pun lalu
Pelita terpasang di dalam kelambu
Sembur dan barut bertalu-talu
Minta jauhkan syaitan dan hantu.
Jikalau datang petir dan ribut
Rabun dibakar engkau dibarut
Di dalam hati terlalu takut
Memelihara engkau jangan terkejut
Penatnya badan setiap waktu
Digantung tirai serta kelambu
Pelita terpasang di dalam kelambu
Tiada diberi nyamuk hampir padamu.
Kenanglah olehmu Awang dan Dayang
Pada ibumu hendaklah sayang
Sakitlah badan hangat berdiang
Tidak berhenti malam dan siang
6
Ibumu berdiang tidak berhenti
Hidupnya pun rasa nak mati
Terlalu gundah di dalam hati
Antara hendak lepas 44 hari.

Berkhatan...

"Congratulation..Selamat Masuk Jawi.....Irfan Eisfahan and Muhd Farhan!!!"
On 14th December 2008
When i first hear that wish..i was a bit errkkk!!..Masuk jawi? i didnt really know whats that "Selamat masuk jawi" does really mean...then i try to figure it out from the net (since some people rather make fun of me when i ask about this topics)..

i guest, what i found on the net might be useful for those who are new comer like me...so im sharing those info hereandafter...ni ilmu ni;

Berkhatan baik atau erti kata lain adalah Masuk Jawi
Tujuan penjagaan kebersihan anggota kemaluan lelaki

MUSIM cuti panjang persekolahan bermula lagi. Kebiasaannya, setiap kali cuti semester hujung tahun, ibu bapa mengambil peluang untuk mengkhatan anak pria yang mencapai usia tertentu. Macam Irfan Eisfahan dah Muhd Farhan.

Berkhatan membabitkan pemotongan penghujung kulit kulup kemaluan atau kulit yang menutup penghujung zakar.
Prosedur ini biasa dilakukan kepada kanak-kanak pria sebelum baligh, seolah-olah menggambarkan persediaan atau keraian sebelum baligh.
Prosedur ini diamalkan untuk tujuan penjagaan kebersihan anggota kemaluan lelaki. Ini kerana penyakit barah kemaluan jarang kelihatan kepada lelaki yang berkhatan dan masalah salur reproduktif pasangan perempuan seperti jangkitan dan kanser pangkal rahim jarang berlaku apabila pasangan pria berkhatan.
Berdasarkan sejarah, amalan berkhatan kuno dianggap sebagai amalan ritual atau bercorak keagamaan. Ia bermula di Mesir dan sebahagian besar negara di benua Afrika dan juga diamalkan oleh bangsa Mayan, Aztec, Inca dan Polynesia.

Mengikut kitab Injil (Bible), berkhatan ketika dilakukan oleh Nabi Ibrahim ra ialah satu ikatan perjanjian antara Tuhan dengan beliau yang membabitkan pemotongan sebahagian kulit daripada tubuh badan, yang mana kulit di bahagian kulup adalah paling sesuai.
Amalan itu kekal sehingga kini. Berkhatan menjadi amalan yang dipanjangkan kepada wanita, yang mana sebahagian besar daripada penduduk Afrika, Mesir dan Pantai Timur mengamalkannya.

Berkhatan untuk perempuan membabitkan pemotongan ‘klitoris’ atau bibir kecil dan keseluruhan bibir besar.

Berbalik kepada berkhatan untuk lelaki, cara pemotongan kulit penghujung zakar mengikut kemudahan yang ada atau yang biasa dilakukan oleh Tok Mudim atau orang yang ditauliahkan untuk membuat prosedur itu.
Kebiasaannya penghujung kulup kemaluan dipotong dan kulit yang terdedah dicelup dengan minyak untuk menghentikan pendarahan. Luka kulit akan reda dalam tempoh seminggu atau dua. Sebelum kulit kulup dipotong, kepala kemaluan akan dilucut keluar daripada penghujung kulup dan jika sukar akan dibantu dengan merendam dalam minyak.
Lama-kelamaan bahagian kulit itu akan sembuh dan mudah untuk kepala zakar keluar masuk. Kini, ada pelbagai cara moden untuk prosedur berkhatan. Ia boleh dilakukan ketika kanak-kanak pria itu masih bayi.

Ini kaedah yang dilakukan oleh pria Yahudi dan juga pria Amerika. Untuk orang Yahudi, berkhatan adalah amalan keagamaan dan sama juga dengan Kristian Koptik yang juga mengamalkan berkhatan manakala untuk elaki Amerika, berkhatan dilakukan untuk tujuan kesihatan.
Cara pemotongan moden membabitkan pengunaan alat penyepit atau klam, yang mana kulit penghujung kemaluan diklam dan dipotong. Klam itu ditanggalkan selepas seminggu atau akan tertanggal secara sendiri.
Kadangkala berkhatan perlu dilakukan mengikut keadaan kemaluan dan kulit kulup dan perlu dipotong secara seimbang supaya tidak menimbulkan masalah di kemudian hari.
Jarang wujud keadaan yang mana kecederaan berlaku akibat prosedur berkhatan secara moden. Berkhatan secara tradisi sudah ketinggalan zaman dan tidak harus dikekalkan kerana banyak masalah berlaku akibat prosedur itu seperti kecacatan kulit, parut tebal, infeksi dan kecacatan kepada zakar.
Kebaikan yang didapati daripada berkhatan ialah kebersihan yang berkekalan dan penghindaran daripada jangkitan. Kajian pernah dijalankan terhadap pria yang berkhatan dan yang tidak melakukannya. Didapati mereka yang berkhatan kurang mengalami jangkitan penyakit kelamin, termasuk penyakit HIV/Sindrom Kurang Daya Tahan Penyakit (Aids).
Dalam tinjauan yang dijalankan di Amerika pada awal 1980 membabitkan wanita yang mempunyai banyak teman pria yang berkhatan dan tidak, 90 peratus menyatakan mereka memilih pasangan pria yang berkhatan.
Mengikut pandangan Persatuan Urologi Amerika, jika seseorang pria tidak berkhatan, dia terpaksa mengambil langkah menjaga kebersihan alat seksual itu pada tahap optimum bagi memastikan tidak ada jangkitan kuman.
Mengikut kajian Perbadanan Kesihatan Sedunia mengenai kebaikan berkhatan pula, ia dapat menghindarkan kemungkinan jangkitan penyakit kelamin dan termasuk HIV/Aids dan prosedur ini digalakkan.

PRAYER FOR ALL KIDS AND STUDENTS..

Blessed God,
you have created life to begin with childhood,
a time of innocence, laughter, and exploration.
Bless, we beseech you, the children of this world.
Grant unto them the nurture they need for strong physical growth, keen minds, balanced emotions, and a holy spiritual life.
Send unto them teachers to inspire an inquiring and discerning heart, to enable curiosity toward their surroundings, and a knowledge of this global village.
Bless them with love, hope, and vision, and keep them ever in your unfailing compassion and protection. Amin.

GOD..I CANT DO THIS ALONE..

O God, early in the morning I cry to you.
Help me to pray
And to concentrate my thoughts on you:
I cannot do this alone.
In me there is darkness,But with you there is light;
I am lonely, but you do not leave me;
I am feeble in heart, but with you there is help;
I am restless, but with you there is peace.
In me there is bitterness, but with you there is patience;
I do not understand your ways,But you know the way for me…
Restore me to liberty,
And enable me to live now
That I may answer before you and before me.
GOD..Whatever this day may bring,YOUR NAME BE PRAISED.

Peace NO WAR!!!..

AKU DAH BOSAN!!!AKU DAH BOSAN!!! AKU DAH BOSAN!!!! ..boring2 ni berphotoshop utk hancurkan gambo..(takpe gambo sendiri bukanyer gambo orang lain..)..coz sometimes feel like wanna destroy my life...too tired strugling for life...

so column yg ni takde unsur pendidikan moral yg nak diketengahkan yer... ..uhuhuhuh

KENAPA TAK NAK BERSYUKUR?????

Here...The Blessing of Unanswered Prayers
I asked for strength that I might achieve;
but I was made weak that I might learn humbly to obey.
I asked for health that I might do greater things;
but I was given infirmity that I might do better things.
I asked for riches that I might be happy;
but I was given poverty that I might be wise.
I asked for power that I might have the praise of women;
but I was given weakness that I might feel the need of God.
I asked for all things that I might enjoy life;
but I was given life that I might enjoy all things.

I got nothing that I had asked for,
but eveything that I had hoped for.
Almost despite myself my unspoken prayers were answered;I am, among all women, most richly blessed. Thanks GOD!

A Collect for Peace

O God... who art the author of peace and lover of concord,
in knowledge of whom standeth our eternal life,
whose service is perfect freedom:

.. Defend us, thy humble servants, in all assaults of our enemies; that we, surely trusting in thy defense, may not fear the power of any adversaries; through the might Allah.

GOD..PLEASE CLEANSE MY SOUL!!!

I WISH I COULD CLEANSE MY SOUL...

Dear GOD....i wish i could;
I cleanse my soul in the dews of spring,
Light of mind's refreshing dew,
Love of heart's renewing dew,
Life being's restoring dew,

Cleanse and recreate my soul this night.
May the souls of all beings be
Peacefully preserved
From fall of night
Till day's dear light.

DEPRESSION....

May we discover through pain and torment,the strength to live with grace and humor.May we discover through doubt and anguish, the strength to live with dignity and holiness.May we discover through suffering and fear, the strength to move toward healing.May it come to pass that we be restored to health and to vigor.May Life grant us wellness of body, spirit, and mind. And if this cannot be so, may we find in this transformation and passagemoments of meaning, opportunities for loveand the deep and gracious calm that comes when we allow ourselves to move on.
The spirits of the mountain exist in strength.Their roots are deep in the Earth,their heads pierce the air and mount to the sky above.They dance from flat to peakand, spiraling, descend again.Good Ones, when I come under your trees and upon your stones,guide me.

HALF..AND THE OTHER half OF ME!!!

i'm stranded here of no where...as HALF of me gone missing...and the other half of me still strugling (hopefully at least for something).
Please any1..tell me what to do..

.

Rumah ku ada hantu..?????

Awas ..Hantu ni gemar mencopet bedak sejuk dan facial mask!

Ni lah wajah dia time public holiday!...Mecca namanya.

Indahnya dibuai mimpi...sakitnya bergelut dgn mimpi...

Mimpi adalah Anugerah Ilahi yang tiada peghujungnya..???

Sometimes people say to us..." SWEEETDREAM YA!"....How good if each time we go to sleep a sweeeeeeetdream will fetch us and pamper us till morning. We 'll surely hate to wake up next morn and let go that very sweeetdream. Me myself, if got that very sweetdream and suddenly ter'wake up midnight, i will quickly flip my pillow and try hard to continue my sweetdream. Next mornning i will wake wishing that my sweetdream last night will come true..BUT will it?...Hidup tidak seindah yang kita mimpikan, unfortunately! (each time i got nightmare...hmmmm hehehe..so bad !)

And This is about the real dream while we are sleeping. Two nights before i got a badnews that my bestfriend died on last Wedn 12th Nov, i was dreaming of seeing a few peoples (that i thought i know who they are..)wearing a wedding attire, but i coudnt see their face..couldt tell who they are. i remembered lasttime my mum did metion that this kind of dream is a sign of bad news. ..when i got the new about what happen to my bestfriend then it made me recalled my dream.

Then a this morning we received a early morning call from my mum letting us know that my grandpa (my grandma's younger bro) ..he d been suffering from somekind of abdomen ulcer. But me and my siblings couldnt fly home..so only can afford to say prayer for him. May God Bless him.

im not sure wether my body tiredness, emotion and mind stability got something to do with this..but lately i feel like im a bit scared to fall asleep...im scared if i start dreaming as lately i ve been dreaming so many strange things..(too many subtopic in 1 night's dream)..yet i cant even tell respectively on what actually those dream all about. But lastnight, 1 of the subtopic in my dream was really outstanding..made me feel good till now eventhoug this morn i woke up fetched by a bad news about my grandpa then followed some argument with my spouse. BUT having that little part sweet dream last night, i think i can take anything in easy..at least till NOW!

Have u ever get a repeated dream? like been somewhere in your dream then sometime later you dreaming being in the sameplace again ! ...How about sleep-walking? hahaha..atau buat2 sleep-walking.?

Sendiri mau ingat lah..

Mu'alaf Murtad kerana..( Part 2)

Assalam.....
Perjalanan hidup yang kita takkan tahu mana penghujungnya......sementara nafas masih ada, kat mana kita letakkan diri kita dimata dunia, dimata org lain,dimata sendiri dan yg penting di mata ALLAH?..... terpulang pada diri masing2.

Berbalik pada nasib mu'alaf ....some still wondering around with no clear pic at all..some might already know (good for them), some might think that they knew but ..., and some still thinking, some still blur..and some just dont care anymore...

In the beginning the excitement of having new life is wonderful....high spirit..wonderful determination saying " THIS IS WHAT I WANT! I WILL NEVER TURN AROUND!"..looking forward to learn and walk their newly reborn life. As they move on..so many things come across.

1 case where...the learning process itself really challenging...when new life just began and the moment that this 2 mu'alafs really keen to learn and looking forward to dig as much as possible knowledge in this new religion of her. ..suddenly they were stopped coz being sexually harassed by this irresponsible fellow that being addressed as 'ustaz' at their religious learning centre. WELL..to a new convert, isn't it totally confusing to see this kind of behaviour of a person called 'religious teacher'???? This shameful ..disgraceful..appalling behaviour of that "rather deserved to be called 'bastard'" ustaz has totally killed their heart to move on. They walked away from that newly began journey with broken hearted- full of disgust and abhorrence towards that fellow. 1 of these mu'alaf walked away for good (no news till now..) while the other 1 tooks about few years of turn-down where she's totally refused to start all over again.. questioning "Whats da point of putting an effort when i dont even see the beauty of it? i thougt that Islam religion claimed to be the most beautiful religion among all..but look at the follower? ...and worst-the 1 so called as RELIGIOUS TEACHER!"... poor! kerana nila setitik rosak susu sebelanga.
See? i hv no idea on how many people can really think of how damn big is the impact on poor cases like this...but for those new comers who so unfortunately experienced this....theres a BIG brunt of it!! ... Tertutup hati untuk meneruskan niat murni... descended away all alone...

TO BE CONTINUED......

DONT KNOW WHAT TO FEEL...my fren died and the other friend delivered a baby in a same day..

(Gambar kenangan...our gathering after about 13 years didnt see each other. Anah wearing pink string top)

My Best Friend….God LOVES U most…

SESUNGGUHNYA ALLAH MAHAKUASA..SEGALA YG BERLAKU ADALAH KETENTUAN NYA.

Oh My God…10.15am this morning I got a sudden sms frm Juefy (Juita)…it says “saya cuma nak bagitau,..Anah meninggal dunia semalam, kena langgar lori masa balik dari kerja” ..reading this sms, I was like…”OH GOD!! Cannot Be..How could this happen. Juefy must be kidding me!..” then I called Juefy straight away. She couldn’t talk then somebody else grab the phone..it was Garry (Gracy)..She said..” Geeda, Anah is no more around…I have no more friend at work” ..i was screaming..”what happened? Please say u guyz are kidding..i don’t believe this..PLEEAAASEEE!” Garry told me that Anah was about to get down from the public bus from work the at the moment she come out from the bus, she was hit by a lorry. Then garry couldnt talk anymore..she said she will call back coz they are heading to Anah’s house to see Anah’s body. Then I called Catherine at kg…she just knew about it from Garry but she couldn’t make it to Anah’s funeral as Cath is on her confinement on her 1st baby girl named Tiara. Then after that conversation over the phone ,I was all BLANK! I couldn’t believe this…I’ve been happily chatting with Anah almost everyday…selagi ada peluang I will be on line with her. Sharing so many things..been chatting about having kids..coz Anah married to Mr Thiel a very handsome Germany guy since 4 years ago..tapi sampai sekarang masih belum ada rezeki lagi untuk dapat anak.. a baby that she ‘ been longing for…she wanted it for so loooong. Oh dear..pity her. Recently we were planning to go to Europe together coz she said she is now saving money cos she s planning to visit her in-law family in Europe again next year. She visited them once last time. So since I also planning(more like dreaming lah) to visit my brother in Dublin to we were chatting about our dream trip of going abroad together. Actually ive been wondering why she kept on saying that she really proud and solute me for being so strong in struggling on what I’ve been tru in my life line…padahal I ni pulak very jealous ( in positive way) on her achievement in her carrier in tourism and also her wonderful marriage with her ‘lelaki impian’. (mat salleh pulak tu). We’ve been sharing a lot about this topics lately. CARRIER AND MARRIAGE. And today...when they told me that she s no more around..oh GOD!!

Anah…a best friend of mine..and other gangs ( like Garry, Catherine, Juita, Jane, Hamisah, samsiah and few more) since 1993 when we were in SMK Project Gemilang Likas (school for BRAINY & ATHLETIC students) ..then after that we further study together in ALL SAINTS School. Lepas tu bawa diri masing2…tak jumpa selama almost 13 years…then in early 2006 tiba2 contact balik sesame sendiri…kebetulan I balik kg pd December 2006 we gathered again….just 2 hours gathering .byk benda dah berubah EXCEPT our FRIENDSHIP..time gathering ni i sempat ambik gambar and letak kat my frienster. That’s the last time I met Anah…the last warm hug from her. We’ve been missing each other so much. Then this year end of May 2008 I went back to my hometown again coz my sister Jess khawin and also my own wedding universary(konon, tumpang party orang ni). BUT unfortunately I tak sempat jumpa kawan2 except for Cath(sebab satu kg) coz I only stay there for 2 weeks where schedule were very very tight as we are too busy preparing for the big day. Then my frens pulak kg dorang jauh2. After I came back to KL the Anah was so angry coz tak sempat bejumpa. then i said to her that '"nanti saya balik lah lagi, still got time andwe can do a proper-planned gathering again". Now i realised that pepatah ESOK MASIH ADA tidak menjanjikan satu harapan yang pasti.

So at the moment... all I can do ... keep browsing Anah’s Friendster webpage with nonstop tears. The only site that we can glance tru to see her pics collection. I really hope if this blog of hers will remain here…with no subscription expiry date. ...God! I wish I can fly there to her funeral to pay last respect to her..unfortunately I couldn’t . I’m stranded here (couldn’t leave my kids coz they having high fever and also chicken fox)…cuma mampu termenung dan menangisi pemergian seorang teman baik yang begitu bermakna dalam hidup saya. Dia pergi meninggalkan perlbagai kenangan pahit manis ketika bersama dulu…dan meninggalkan perbagai falsafah hidup yang dia sempat kongsi dengan saya kebelakangan ni..walaupun dengan cara hidup yang berbeza TAPI kami berkongsi & memahami satu pegangan hidup yang sama. I will remember all those lines about life that you’ve been telling me. Anah my dear….semoga Allah mencucuri rahmat ke atas roh mu! Sesungguhnya Allah lebih menyayangi mu. Amin

. Anah Linduman @ Anah Thiel in loving memory..



DI HARI YANG SAMA....sesungguhnya ALLAH Mahakuasa.....i was wondering about my other gudfriend on her "counting big day" peak season. Counting days to deliver her very first baby..so i sms her this afternoon...THANKS GOD...dia selamat bersalin..tru Caesarean..she delivered a babyboy this afternoon at 1pm....Congratulation SUE!


So today...so many things came across....i ended up with "undescribable" feeling. For what i know..i feel so "PURPLE + BLUE" all around.

What a Loooong Day.....

I have not clarify the boundary of yesterday and today...coz i'm still up since yesterday(supposed to be yesterday) but since im still awake till now...so my yesterday's day is still on and i will declare my 'today' after i get some sleep later...hahahaha....itu kata saya lah..kalau korang tak paham statement saya ni...atau tak setuju dengan statement saya ni...takpe, takyah susah2 kan kepala nak argue dalam otak sendiri pasal statement saya yg memang saya kata betul ni. saya ni cuma nak merapu di subuh2 buta yang belum cukup matang subuhnyer untuk solat subuh.

im not sure if other people expriencing the same thing like this..where...when i couldnt sleep...so many things comes into my mind..my brain will voluntary search lots of things to tell and to care about.this is unstopable!! Before this...when this happen, i will go and take some sleeping pills...BUT STILL..those pills will make my whole body liveless...tak bermaya langsung..YET my brain still working ,counting,thinking and lots more xxxking'..then the next morning ..i will wake still in tiredness....my body strugling for energy while my brain baru terkial kial turning blank.
so moral of the story...never never take sleeping pills.

Mualaf murtad kerana ..?

Most of the time...this lady ended up keeping everything by herself..." maybe I said the best...when i say nothing at all!" ..keeping everything without a word. Can u imagine that? she has been keeping those little pieces of un-spelled dynamites bit by bit deep inside her heart...becoming a huge mountain of timer bomb waiting to explode...but life has to go on no matter what.

Welcome to the story on -what about those people called "mu'alaf"? they started "as new born" life as mu'alaf even though they'd been living half of their age as non-muslim..at the moment they converts to Muslim..they are assumed as "newborn" in Islam. Living this what so called as "new life" for them...ITS NOT THAT EASY! no joke..NOT EASY!

As they really become a new born "tend to confuse" baby. Why? Imagine that you've been living maybe half (or more) of your age in this Lifestyle A...and now you have to change everything into Lifestyle B-Z . Who did really care about them? In religious part of it...maybe they can always turn to any Jab Agama for an advice and guidance...but how about Emotionally? Moral support, Financially (some)...and a lot more. and 1 thing is that eventhough they can go to jab Agama for an advice, most of them wouldnt have the gut to tell EVERYTHING (the prob they r facing) to the jabtn people.

Actually, its not that they purposely ask for attention...but they just need one regardless to their age. They really need one. As they start they new life, they will need some1 that really care? To guide them, to tell them to keep going, to give them courage, to support them emotionally and morally, and TO LOVE them in many ways...coz most of the time and cases LOVE can make the biggest impact...RACUN DAN PENAWAR!

well then....when some mu'alaf turn back to their previous religion or to their family coz of 1001 reason...they will ended up being blamed as " full of sin MURTAD "...then only people all around start questioning and blaming....but before this kind of thing happen...did any1 really really care? WHY and WHY.... Well...Those who simply converted "with agenda" will simply take it for granted... maybe they will just 'come and go" as they wish...so maybe nothing much others can help....To the mu'alaf themselve-1st of all of course..depends their (mu'alaf) heart , sincerity and determination. How sincere he/she is? ..and pity to those who are really really sincere but then neglected in many ways.... and most of them just not STRONG ENOUGH to move on...

Cases like...being betrayed by their muslim born spouse.....tak kira lah sama ada mualaf tersebut memeluk agama Islam atas keinginan sendiri ataupun atas sebab2 berkhawin....namun peranan si suami / isteri adalah AMAT2 PENTING...bayangkan apabila mu'alaf tersebut telah memartabatkan suami atau isterinya sebagai CONTOH PENGANUT ISLAM YG TERDEKAT untuk dicontohinya, satu2nya tempat dia mengadu nasib....then tup tup....spouse nyer pulak menipu atau berlaku curang terhadapnya. ...OH MY GOD!....dalam byk2 cabaran...inilah tamparan yang paling hebat bagi seseorang mu'alaf.... ramai yg akan hilang pegangan dan berpaling tadah @MURTAD kerana terseksa dengan perangai spouse sendiri. Hanya sedikit yang bertahan.

And then what about those cases where their spouse never give a proper Religious guidance ...the spouse not even performing their prayer....membiarkan mu'alaf tersebut terkial2 mencari arah sendiri, terkial2 mencari ilmu Islam sendirian....u know what....this is really killing...ramai mana yg betul2 bertahan? some mualaf tu bertahan hanya kerana anak2...menerus kan hidup dengan sisa2 hati yang dah hancur...and some ended up dengan dendam....the worst thing is that-some mualaf wont even think of anyone else, they will just turn around and go back to their previous life or religion...or to their parents or family ( apatah lagi jika selama dia jadi mu'alaf, parents or family dia (yg non-muslim) pulak yang sentiasa berada di sisi dia dan dekat di hati dia, comforting her/him. Cases like this-we cannot blame the mu'alaf's family at all. as they appear as wonderful people...They've being very nice..very good human being, being so loving as family ....believing in God(eventhough they are quoted as "non-muslim)...and what more if this family are well mannered and behaving much more better than those NATURE BORN MUSLIM.

It would be a big relief if the mualaf get this very welcoming and supportive family-in-law. their warm welcome can make a very huge difference...spiritual support to the new comer.

But how pity..when some mu'alaf happen to get this 'one kind' mannered in-laws family. Giving more complaints than guidance.. some even dare to humiliate the new comer..labeling the new comer as ' keturunan kafir'...ooohhhh how hurting is that!!!! the mu'alaf will definately CRASHED!! ...then most cases, the family-in-law are expecting too much extreme changes from the new comer!..where by, those new comer definately need some time to adapt and learn so many new things in this brand life. what more if that the mualaf came from a totally in different race and cultures background from their spouse family.

So..dear outsider...never jump into bad conclusion if u meet/see those new comer (mu'alaf)appear to be standing not as high as the level that you simply expect them to be. Go close to them and get to know them better...then only u know everything that you see,happen for some reason.

To be continued.....

Antara yang dicipta dan tercipta......?

Cintaku terpendam disudut hati.....yang pernah mekar indah..dan pernah terpadam...dan kembali sekali lagi dan akan terus berada disudut hati selamanya.

Aku ingin engkau selalu hadir dan temani aku...di setiap langkah yang meyakini ku "kau tercipta untukku sepanjang hidupku"...Menatap Indahnya senyuman di wajah mu..membuat ku terdiam dan terpaku..mengerti akan hadirnya cinta terindah..saat kau peluk mesra tubuhku. Banyak kata yang tak mampu ku ungkapkan kepada dirimu. meski waktu akan mampu memanggil seluruh ragaku..

ku ingin kau tahu"KU SELALU MILIKMU,YANG MENCINTAI MU..SEPANJANG HIDUPKU.."